One Thing.

When going back and looking at the past few months, I have to be honest in saying, I've been lying. Lying about who I am, how I felt about God, how my relationship with him way. It was all a lie. I went to church, simply so the people there wouldn't think something was up, but inside I was laughing at the way that they believed so easily in this God that you can't see. Granted I had encounters with God through this, but with my stubborn heart i refused to take it as nothing more than some sentimental moment.

Somehow I ended up signing up for One Thing. Do I know what I was thinking at the time? No. Infact the last thing I really wanted to do was attend a 4 day conference about this guy I was trying to run from. Yet, my room was booked, my way was paid with no conditions from my father, and I was there in the car. I hated that I was on my way to basically a place that would ruin my end of the year. It did the opposite.

The first day there I was tired of it already, it probably was very obvious. I had a conversation with one woman that I had gone with. I'm not that close to her, a few jokes here and there and a hello when we see each other, but I'd never really had a conversation with her. I was always scared of her, but somehow at that moment I just came clean. I opened up about how I didn't want to be there, how I hated this God character, and that I knew he was real but I didn't want to hear from him. I was annoyed with him. She informed me to sit and Behold him this week.

Well, that night I skipped the sermon and stayed in the prayer room. It was quieter and it was a little easier to tune out what was going on. Yet for some reason I thought back to what the woman I had talked to said, and I gave in. I sat and I said, "God, if you really want me to jump full in and commit all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength I need you do do something in me"

The next day, I heard Shelley Hundley speak, and Shelley is one of my favorite people in this world, and she spoke on Jesus The Judge, and how to see it from the perspective of his love for his Bride rather than condemnation. Something kind of sparked in me. She spoke on how she never fully felt love of God because there was something in her heart that was hurting, that was crying out for justice. There's stuff in my heart that have been killing me, and simply having people say, "God loves you" doesn't work for me. I mean I know he loves people but really? yet when I heard about Jesus the judge, I started to feel love from God in my heart.

Friday night during worship I had a little bit of healing enter my heart. I had been praying earlier about what the next step in my life was, and it was very clear that I am to attend IHOPU this fall, so friday night I was praying for what to do in this season of my life. Now, I've blocked out most of my childhood, I remember a few things now and again but if you were to ask me something about it I wouldn't be able to answer. So it came as quite a shock when all of the sudden these memories of my childhood flooded back into my head, leaving me crying for the pain it was bringing to my heart. All the memories of rejection from people I was close to to people I barely knew, and I began to cry out to God to relieve me from the rejection. I heard the word acceptance. I poke the truth of, "God accepts me", I prayed for him to take the rejection and fill it with acceptance from him, and within the second I felt a weight being lifted off my heart and how i was perceiving the people i had come with was changed. I felt accepted for the first time in my life, and what made it better was realizing that I was accepted by the King of Kings.

I got the privelage of hearing Misty Edwards speak that night, and it hit my heart. Not in the same way Shelley's message had hit me, but it was answering my question of what to do in this next season of my life. She spoke on loving God with all your heart should and mind, she spoke on the purpose of life and how nothing in this world will satisfy us because it doesn't satisfy God. It became clear to me what I'm going to do for this season before IHOPU.

I'm diving fully in. I plan to begin digging into the word, learning more about the Bridegroom paradigm, more about Jesus the Judge, and this passion that was sparked during the confrence of the end times and I was going to become a Night and Day, Day and night worshiper of God. I plan to begin working through the issues that are causing my heart to be distracted from God by handing them to God for him to exchange the ashes for beauty ( Isaiah 61:3). I also want to be bolder in my prayer life, more willing to pray for the people in my school, in my community and the people in my family. I'm taking a stand in my faith right now, and I refuse to go back to the old way.

So much has happened the last four days at One Thing, this blog was barely hitting the surface. I asked God to move in my heart, and he did majorly. My prayer is that for each on e of you that reads this, and even the ones who don't, that God reveals himself and moves in you in a way that will spark a passion for him. That we continue to love him and worship him and develop a relationship with him because he is WORTHY.