magic.

It all just feels so fake, ya know? This idea that good things happen to good people. That there's magic in the world, and that the meek and the righteous will inherit it. Too many good people suffer for that to be true. Too many prayers go unanswered. And every day it just gets worse. Every day we ignore how truly broken this world is, and we tell ourselves it's all going to be okay. But it's not going to be okay. And once you know that, there's no going back. There's no magic in the world...at least today there isn't and I just tell myself to be happy. But I don't feel happy. And when I try to change it, when I try to remember what being happy felt like, I can't. I don't feel joy. I don't feel inspired. I just feel numb. I feel like we've been left here on our own. Now, I realize no matter how hard I deny it there is a God here. Yet, it's like we walk alone. Maybe it's only me. Some can say I'm over reacting. That moving is not a big deal, and if I was dealing with just moving I'd agree. However, now all I can say is, you don't live my life. You don't know my past, what I've dealt with even this week a lone. No one does, except I suppose God. If you really knew whats happen, you wouldn't blame me for being mad. you wouldn't criticize me for questioning his love. Because, if you dealt with the crap Ive dealt with this past week, you be in the exact same boat. I know that God exists. I know he will never "give me more than I can handle." However, that's bull, i think he's given me to much and I'm honestly sick of it. I want magic back in my life. I want to feel happy. I want to see a light at the end of this tunnel.

I want to trust you know what you're doing God, but...I can't.