Have you ever forgiven someone and yet still hurt from what they did to you? Or do you know of someone who hurt you so badly that you don't want to forgive thinking you let them off the hook?
Hurting can only stay when we haven't had the pain removed. It's like saying, "I have a splinter... you are looking at the splinter, you know it's there, but you haven't removed it. Then one day you decide you have been in pain long enough, and remove the sticker. But in that removal, the pain intensified a bit, but once it was out the pain stopped almost immediately. (Well unless you had to dig for it and made a bigger hole that what the splinter did...)
This is the reason the pain is still there. You know what people did, you may have even said "I forgive you" but you can't trust them again, you still hurt when you see them, you are still sad inside. Can we truly be rid of that hurt and pain? YES and again I say Yes. And here is what the Lord showed me on how to not only forgive with my mouth, but forgive from my heart, and only when we truly forgive from our heart does the pain leave!
I've heard many pastors teach to forgive, no matter what it feels like, just be obedient and forgive. And that is true, but there is a fine line here. Because we can obey, but if our heart isn't in it, what then? The Lord only looks up on our heart condition. Regardless if you said the words "I forgive you" or not, he sees what is really going on. And that's the place we need to get to too. Because we are taught to forgive, but forgive from our heart! What does that mean?
It means that when you say, "I forgive you" the fruit of that is like nothing ever happened. So that when you see that person again, there is no "memory of wrong done." Isn't that one of the fruit from the love chapter? Doesn't keep track of wrongs done to us? Pain comes when we keep track. Now the truth is, we may not forget what the person did, it actually can be used later to help others with, but the pain associated with that memory will not be there.
There are so many things I've done in my life that I could still feel "guilty" for.. that is pain, right? But no more. I'm free. I'm enjoying my life. Because I learned this principle of forgiveness.. So now the hurting got healed in my heart and life, and now out sharing this simple truth with others, and now with you!
So this is what the Lord taught me one day while having my morning talk with Him:
He taught that I needed to make a list of every person in my life that still torments my heart. People who I said I forgave but the pain is still there. Or people I flat out didn't want to forgive. There is a passage of scripture we may all be familiar with that says "If we don't forgive others, neither will God forgive us." So we want to forgive others if we are true believers. I bet many of you have forgiven all these individuals because you followed the Word. But this list only has the names of those individuals that you forgave, but there is a But... For example: I love you, but... I never want to see you again. I love you, but... I won't trust you again. I love you But... I am going to make you pay for what you did. Anytime there is a "but" after forgiveness, it's conditional forgiveness. God's love is unconditional, his forgiveness is unconditional, so ours must be to others.
Now I'm not saying forgive people and allow them to continue abusing you. That's not what this is about. This is about our daily living, people all around us, people we know and people we don't know. Because every day we have opportunity to be hurt. Not only do I want to help you get free from past hurts, but any hurts to come! To stay free so that they don't stick in the first place. So hang in with me a bit more...
Now take one name, the one that is really at the top of your heart, a recent hurt perhaps, or maybe a long-lost love, etc., and put that name at the top of the piece of paper. Then draw a line down the middle of the paper making 2 columns. On the left side, write down all those hurtful things they did. Now I know, you've done this before.. but there is something else to be learned here that will truly help. So just go along here for a minute.
Now as you take a look at that list, can you change those things that happened? No. Can you change the person? No of course we can't. Sometimes those individuals have even passed away. But.. there is something you can change that is the link to this whole thing... your heart toward that person, and this is how you do that.
On the right side, write down all the things you became BECAUSE of that stuff written on the left side. Let's say someone lied to you.. how did that make you feel? Unloved, no longer trusting, fear, anger, depression? You get the picture. Just write down all those things you "feel" because of their offense toward you.
Take a look at those things you wrote down. What are they? They are sins. Actually, these are sins of the other person that you took on to yourself because of not forgiving from your heart. Once that pain drops into your heart, you "took" that sin into yourself. Let me share a scripture that supports this found in John 20:23 "whosesoever sins you remit they are remitted to them, whosoever sins are retained they are retained." This means that whoever sins you don't forgive, you get them! Ouch! But if you forgive them, they are returned back upon them, and there is no pain.
So what we need to do to forgive them from our heart is have a clean heart before God. See, those sins that you retained are now yours. And what does the Bible say to do with sins? Confess them as found in 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." So simply take that list to the Lord and confess them to Him. Allow His forgiveness to remove those sins from your heart. These are the things keeping the "pain" alive. It's not even what the person did to you that is making the pain, it's what you "retained" from that relationship that makes the pain.
So go ahead, confess them now... I'll wait...
Now that you have a clean heart toward that person you can now forgive from your "clean" heart! See, we try forgiving people with all that bitterness, anger, resentment, fear, wrath, inside us.. It just doesn't work. We have to go to God first with our sins, allow Him to cleanse us after our confession and repentance, then we are free to forgive the others!
I'd be lying if I said that I've fully been released of all my sins from my "forgiving" of people, but I can tell you that it's a process, for me, and probably for you too. I can also tell you however, that so far it's helped me tremendously.
No comments:
Post a Comment