Monday, February 14, 2011
meh.
I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am sixteen and I am already exhausted. God's suppose to help me through this, but im having a hard time with that. See here's the thing, I went to breakaway this past weekend and I was finally able to admit something to myself.. I haven't let christ in my heart. Well, I did awhile ago but i lost it, and now I'm terrified to... My life's been a sob story so far, and i can't handle it anymore. I can't let someone in and have the chance that they'll leave, or they'll pretend they love me when really they dont... I know it says he'll never leave me but i dont know... and i know thats a pride thing, thinking the person who loves everyone would specifically not love me but jeez, im terrified and I feel horrible for being terrified but i am... I know God is really. I know he's the way the truth and the light, but the idea of someone like that scares me... I cant handle another let down... I cant..
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Luke 15:11-24
ReplyDeleteAlso, you know the story of Job right? If not, visit that a little bit. We'll talk about it.
Cassie, you don't need a god. it's bullshit and you know it. it wasn't until you started believing in this crap that you broke up with me. Just forget about it, your better off without some imaginary person, i mean your imaginary friends better than him. Dump this shit and we can be back on the right track.
ReplyDeleteDont listen to him...like the song you are more than ur past mistakes and jesus sees that! Keep a good head on your shoulders. I love you stay strong. I here if you need anything
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ReplyDeleteI don't know who Jake is, but obviously you are right to break up with him.
ReplyDeleteJake, you need God. I want to type something else here, something hatefully. But here's something worth typing "JESUS LOVES YOU JAKE". He is not imaginary. Either you'll discover that now with a smile or later without one.
Cassandra, Rachel is right. You are more than your past mistakes. You are a beloved child of God and we all love you too. You are worth more than Jake could ever imagine.
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ReplyDeleteYou're all fucking idiots. Cassie, you're a whore and I don't care what fucking God tells you he loves you, you're right when you said he doesn't love you, no one can love you. They're all lying. You just as worthless now as you were that one night when you were 12. You deserved it and so much more. Im done with you. Fucking whore.
ReplyDeleteJake,
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, but my heart hurts for you right now. Cass does not need to listen to this from you, and if you really did care about her like you claim to then you would understand that this cracks her tender heart.
What hurts me most right now, is that you are denying a loving God that can wipe you clean from everything you've done wrong, and fill a void in your soul that will satisfy you for eternity.
Also, I do not like the term "fucking idiots" because there is nothing idiotic about being a follower of Christ...especially if I feel so engulfed in the Spirit that I would die for it.
I am sorry we are all getting off on the wrong foot...but I really feel that if you cared for Cass like you claimed to, you would understand more of how her heart works...and it is very clear you do not.