Dear Shauna,

it wasn't suppose to be like this! I mean really, we were suppose to start the new year together, talking laughing but not like this. Yes, Im incredibly angry and i feel worse than worse but no one understands. It's been almost 6 months without you here. You don't even understand how much it screwed me up that you called ME right before it happened. YOU KNEW I WASN'T ABLE TO USE MY PHONE. You knew where I was. Do you even understand how guilty i feel? no you don't because your NOT HERE. you killed yourself after such a short time of your life. you were 17. I mean you were going to do so much remember? We talked about all the time. Sure things were bad but you were going to grow from it, not take the easy way out. I don't remember what it was like to talk to you, but i sure as hell remember the text message i got in the middle of camp telling me you were gone. I don't remember what phone calls were like with you, but i remember the exact message you left me before you did it. Im STUCK with those memories. Im stuck remembering that if I hadn't gone to that freakin' camp i would have been able to talk to you, answer that phone call. you said in the message " Don't blame yourself, its not your fault theres more important things than me".... Im sorry but how can you say and and I not blame myself? I walk down the hallway and sure i see my friends but i feel lost and empty and alone because my best friends not on this earth anymore, because she thought suicide was the way out. no one understands how guilty i feel, how angry i feel, how guilty about feeling angry. how lonely i am, how much i just want to cry because i miss you. you promised me once that you were the one i could count on, that you never would hurt me because we're best friends...you broke that promise when you took the easy way out for yourself...you left me in a world of hurt... so yeah, im angry and im sad, and i feel more guilty than ever but i hope that wherever you are right now that your content with your decision... because it would be a shame for everyone you left behind to be hurting like this and crying every night and feeling alone if you aren't content with this decision YOU made.